Let’s not romanticize social bonds.

Real people are raw, wounded, and careless.

They may appear friendly and pleasant until you challenge their values or touch the pain that existed long before you came along.

Dear reader, my newsletter aims to uphold your right to be informed and champion science. Together, we can drive social transformation for a post-growth world by uniting, not just teaching or preaching. By meeting people where they are and understanding their stories, motivations, and limitations, we allow amazing impact to happen. Together, we can empower each other through emotional capital – humanity’s most powerful asset – and build the future we aspire to live in, where you are warmly invited.

Some argue that social bonds are our remedy in a world that is falling apart and multicries, which is frightening our future.

They say that we are disconnected from one another and therefore don’t care for each other.

They observe how corporate boardrooms fail to connect with people, and municipal offices often lack policies that prioritize people’s needs. They say boundaries constrain families, while women are enslaved in patriarchal models of perceived gender’s “biological destinies.”

They whisper that people stripped from their roots and taught to be ashamed of both their colored and white lineages, which become cages.

That can’t be truer. Social bonds that were once prevalent in communities have been lost.

We entered the reality of “social famine.”

We still use every opportunity to connect.

We use apps, office interactions, and bar encounters in search of the “other one.”

Social life itself becomes absorbed by mere consumption.

A consumption mindset leads one to be in a constant search for younger, healthier, and more financially (or emotionally) resourceful individuals. Many argue that living in the “present moment” with more comfortable resources is beneficial.

Should we still exchange female beauty for male financial strength as per the patriarchal model? This became excruciatingly painful after the years spent without meaning.

A woman’s beauty should be embraced as it is, not traded for anything. This way, she can gain recognition without being reduced to mere sexual appeal.

Similarly, a man’s strength can shine as a force for positive change in the world, fostering pride in his achievements. This inner strength will serve as a solid foundation, even if faced with the allure of someone else’s flattery.

This is where we should stop romanticizing social bonds.

The world stumbles as everyone searches for “their person.”

The other daring individual is, however, labeled a “tyrant,” “manipulator,” “narcissist,” or worse quite soon.

This wounded search is nothing more than a short-term solution for our broken selves.

A pill.

How often do we love ourselves in others without any interest in the real “other person’s universe”?

We almost never “see” the other person at all.

In essence, our quest for intimacy and connection is rooted in the sincere desire to live without pain.

We vocalize a desire to feel painless, and the presence of another gives us what we seek.

This yearning is comprehensible! After all, only the abnormal may consciously choose pain.

However, this drive is not rooted in love but in scarcity — a famine to belong.

Trying to find myriad methods to satisfy that need, instead of transforming it, we waste time.

Seeking relationship remedies stems from a lack of self-love that we can’t provide ourselves, and we attempt to fill the void through external connections.

It is an effort to “complete” what’s missing within us by seeking outside resources.

Our behavior is similar when we go to a store on an empty stomach — we buy many absolutely unnecessary things that soon become waste.

In reality, a simple bowl of oatmeal before the shopping can satisfy a hunger, leading to a smaller bill with essential items in the basket.

Being needed doesn’t mean being loved.

It also often means being used.

It is a reminder that in our connections, we should seek not the ephemeral relief of our emotional wounds but the enduring treasure of genuine, reciprocal development.

Searching for painkillers or becoming a crutch for others, even if it boosts self-esteem, costs us a precious lifetime.

In the absence of the so-called “hunger to belong” or “need for belonging”, we bring our satiety into the outside world, and it is a guarantee of getting joy from this life, and not stuffing the stomach with all sorts of nonsense.

When we are psychologically safe (have everything we need for peace and security), we dare to see what is in the other. This is the moment when we will appreciate social bonds for exploration and enrichment, not just for healing.

In this case, we perceive the other without judgment by sharing, exchanging, and discovering something new for ourselves. This way, we begin to create something together from different parts, because our parts do not replace each other but complement one another.

Yet, we can go beyond merely the level of complement.

Although interdependence is beneficial, we could gain even more and enhance one another.

The ability to exchange without sacrificing ourselves is possible through autonomy.

Ideally, the life force within us should be self-sustaining, when we get psychologically safe not from time to time but more or less constant using autonomy. This allow us flourishing from an internal wellspring rather than relying on external sources or other people.

By securing our well-being through our means — whether it’s a woman achieving financial independence or a man mastering self-care — we demonstrate maturity.

This independence not only safeguards us against the vulnerabilities of symbiotic dependencies but also empowers us to engage in relationships from a position of strength and self-assurance, not necessity.

Autonomy is the hallmark of an adult who has mastered the art of living, unshackled by the fear of loss in exchange.

Such an exchange could lead to synergy.

A synergetic relationship fosters a creative and productive environment where the sum is far greater than its parts.

What is synergy? When we collaborate and pool our resources, we create something new and bigger together — a joint venture that can become a grand success.

The blending of different strengths and resources not only produces immediate results but also lays the foundation for sustainable growth and innovation, where our unique strengths play well for biodiversity.

When individuals come together, bringing their unique talents, perspectives, and resources, the outcome is invariably richer and more complex than any solitary effort could produce.

This process of co-creation not only enhances an existing project but also amplifies its potential, opening up avenues for innovation that were previously unimaginable.

It is like baking a cake when you have apples and the other person has sugar.

This is how to create a business when you have a well-developed idea and connections, and the other has finances.

Through such collaboration, we not only share what we have but also amplify it, truly embodying the adage that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

The intake: Let’s not romanticize our social connections, but let’s not minimize their potential. The personal outcome, as usual, is in your hands.

That’s all for today.

We’ll talk again in two weeks.

If these words were helpful to you, please share your thoughts with Emotional Capital Newsletter readers: we are happy to hear from you!

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